Blasphuphmus Radio Links

Well, January 6th is rapidly approaching, so here's some kpsu.org links that will help prepare you for my premiere episode at 3 PM:

Blasphuphmus Radio Program Page on kpsu.org: A little info to tease and tantalize potential listeners.

RSS Podcast Link: Slap this into your podcasting device of choice, and you'll always have the most current episode of Blasphuphmus Radio at your beck and call.

Playlists Link: Access this link to check out the tuneage you'll be hearing on Blasphuphmus Radio, which lists all the minutia and footnotes for every Audio-Essay we broadcast.

Track Content Link: Having trouble finding all the different Blasphuphmus Radio content on kpsu.org? Fear not! This "Track Content Link" will give you a list of everything we've ever added to the kpsu.org website. Pretty cool, huh?

Why Am I Not Surprised

Last term I went through a ridiculous series of Kafkan experiences with PSU, which involved (but was not limited to) being overcharged several times for services I never got, not receiving my financial aid due to clerical errors, lost pay checks (every single pay period, this term), bureaucratic policies that contradict other bureaucratic policies which make certain necesities impossible to accomplish, and a number of other lame problems that exist because people do not want to talk in person, nor do they want to deal with actual cash money.

I thought that Credit, combined with a lack of communication, caused this economic crisis in the first place. But, apparently, that hasn't gotten back to Corporate America yet.

My most recent frustration came in the form of an e-mail I got today, explaining that I could have received my Financial Aid check already if I had only explained to the dispersion company how I wanted to receive said check. (I shit you not: "We have a check for you, how do you want it?")

I called PSU and explained that since I started going to school four years ago, I have always received a check, and can't understand why they suddenly don't know that. PSU passed the buck, saying that they don't have access to their own students' Financial Aid information (!), but that the dispersion company does. (Why PSU doesn't have access to their own students records is only a small part of my confusion regarding this issue.)

After calling the dispersion company, I discovered that because they made a clerical error last term, and since I complained about not getting my check because of their error, they actually reset my account entirely to avoid making the same mistake twice. Rather than contact me and ask me how I'd like to get my money, they waited for the computer to catch the mistake as it was processing my refund, and they waited even longer for said computer to e-mail me, which in turn asked me to contact the dispersion company to set things straight. A mistake, I should point out, consisting of a several-tiered error THEY made.

Yeah. I'm sort of incredulous, too.

All of my attempts to point out how silly this was were met with complete confusion by the people I talked to on the phone. "What do you mean?" I mean, I said, how can someone who works in a job like this actually think this is a reasonable way to conduct business.

"Oh, I don't think about that stuff."

Right. Wasn't that the problem in the first place?

Be That Song? Links

Be That Song?: "Out With The New, In With The Old."

(Special "Is This Music?" Coverage for Hogwash while he's out of town.)

This is a 60 Minute audio essay about the Holiday Season, with music, sound effects, voice-overs, and a few commercials. For those of you who have never heard the kind of shows I do, this is an excellent introduction to my radio style, and a wonderful hour of holiday sounds for those New Year's parties around the corner. (Token mentions of X-Mas were, sadly, unavoidable.) Consider this my holiday gift to the city of Portland, and anyone else I forgot to get a gift for. Sorry.

6:43 PM Update:

Here's the official playlist.

X-Mass Day Recap

Historically, I have not been a fan of holidays, at least, not since I was a wee child. Once you are no longer the center of attention of the Holiday Season, it's hard to get excited about cold weather, unexpected winter expenses, and traveling to visit family that you might not be too interested in seeing just yet. I think most people go through this phase during the Cool Years: roughly, 16 - 30. It's when a human is most concerned with being cool and, more to the point, the most prone to behaving childish.

This year, things were markedly different for me, beginning with Thanksgiving with my Mom and Christmas with my Dad. There were a lot of other family members involved too, and what (exactly) about those two trips I enjoyed I can't exactly say for sure. All I know is that the usual sensations of wanting to get back home as soon as possible were not a part of this year's celebrations, to the point that I spent all day yesterday (after I got home) listlessly cleaning and trying to figure out what to do.

I can't exactly say that I'm a fan of the Holiday Season (as it's celebrated in the US), but this year I feel like something in me changed. Or, perhaps, it wasn't the holiday per se, but rather the act of spending time with my family that really set it off. I've been living on my own now for 15 years, and in that time I've spent only a very little time with my family. Part of that comes from different interests and pursuits: I'm in school, working on the long and hard road toward becoming some sort of academic, with all of the usual extreme-left tendencies and nuances that come with having been involved with bands and bars and that particular kind of subculture, while most of my family is involved in raising kids, keeping a job, and maintaining their sanity.

It's not that we don't understand each other, or even that we can't appreciate what the other does; it's just that, on a practical level, we don't relate to each other. It's hard to know what they're going through when I've never had to deal with babies on a day-to-day basis. Conversely, how many members of my family could make a 'zine from scratch, or know the differences between punk sub-genres?

The point being, I had a great time this year, and I don't know if that's because I've matured, or because they've gotten more interesting as people, friends, and family members. For the time being, I'm going to continue to believe that it's them and not me. I'm not quite ready to face the truth yet, anyway.

I Mean It

Happy Holidays.

I mean it.

New Radio Appearances

I will be offering my services twice in the next month to non-Blasphuphmus Radio appearances on KPSU:

On December 28th, 2008, I'll be guest-hosting Be That Song? (aka Is This Music?), presenting my newest musical assemblage, "Christmas Music (For People Who Don't Like Christmas Music)." Be That Song? will start at Noon, and run until 1 PM. You'll be able to listen by either tuning into to 1450 AM in the Portland, OR area, 98.1 FM on the PSU campus, or by accessing the webstream at kpsu.org.

Also, on January 31st, 2009, I'll be running sound for an in-studio appearance by Levator, who will be appearing on What's This Called? Levator has made several appearances on my old show, and prior to that made KPSU a stop on nearly every tour. This will be an awesome performance from Noon to 1 PM that day, and again, you can listen at 1450 AM, 98.1 on the PSU campus, or by accessing the webstream at kpsu.org.

And, of course, my new weekly show starts on the 6th of January. Wait, that's only a couple weeks from now!? Holy crap!

Blasphuphmus Radio! New Time!

Dig?

Blasphuphmus Radio News

There's been a lot going on lately as Blasphuphmus Radio prepares to become syndicated at KPSU, so as that process continues, I thought I'd tease a few of you with a preview of what to expect on the show.

Although we previously reported that we would be on at 1 PM Sundays, we have secured a 3 PM time slot on the holiest of holy days, Tuesday! I'll keep you posted with links and information about how you can tune in via the interweb, but if you live near or on the PSU campus, you can tune in at 98.1 FM. So, Tuesday at 3 PM. It's gonna rock.

I've made a tentative schedule for the 2009 Broadcast Season of Blasphuphmus Radio, but you should note that the operative word in the first half of this sentence is "a." It is not THE schedule, but merely A schedule, and is subject to change as I learn more information. I also wrote a Reference Guide that will help you interpret some of the things I put on the schedule.

Questions? You know who to ask...

Really?

When I was closing up the computer lab last night, I found a binder that a student had left behind. It happens all the time, actually, and with today being the last day for finals, I imagine some student was in a hurry to get to a party after his last test. I forget things all the time, and unless it's valuable, you don't have to worry about anything getting stolen.

So, no harm, no foul; I picked it up and went to put it in the Lost & Found box. As I set it down, I noticed that on the front was a huge, slightly torn Sublime sticker.

What? Sublime? Are they even still a thing? I mean, when was the last time you met an actual Sublime fan? At least, a big enough one to have a sticker on your binder for at least a year. In 2008. I mean, really?

Sometimes, I just don't get people.

As Of 3 PM...

I am done with school for 2008.

Now would be an excellent time to give me a call. I don't have anything to do for a month.

And not a moment too soon...

As Usual: Weird Not Strong Enough

The last year seems so strange to think back on. So much has happened, in my own life and in the world, and it's hard just to say, "Another year older and wiser," and let this one slide on into the wealth of time past that only vaguely informs us in the here and now. Of course, there's no reason to dwell on it, either. 2008, in many ways, was just the cream of the shitty-year crop. There hasn't been a year like this since 1997, a fucking terrible vintage year if ever there was one.

There are times, though, when it all seems like a dream, one that you're waking up from to find that things are different, that there is a future to look toward that will be drastically different, no matter what past experience says. My inclination, though, is to follow the advice of a certain song from The Twelve Chairs: "Hope for the best / expect the worst." It just seems like a more reasonable expectation.

But that's neither here nor there. I have a new job, year, & school term on the horizon for January. I have new friends in my life and new interests and ideas that will hopefully carry me through one more time.

I can only hope that this time around I remember to smile more, and take more pictures.

New Discoveries In Latrinalia

Found in three separate stalls in the men's rooms on PSU campus
(You may have to open the images in a new tab, and zoom in, to read some of these):


Guh? Astronomy Professor?

While I'm quite fond of the tagger who admits that his occupation is a waste of time,
I think I like the Haiku the best:

101
111
101

Solid.

Apparently, the gentleman with a green pen must have read my book.
(So does my dick every morning... I should have used that one!)

Derek Johnson Recap

For those of you who missed Derek Johnson's great live performance on KPSU the other day, fear not! The wonder of modern technology has enabled us to capture sound recordings in a digital form, for your consumption. This brand new technology will no doubt revolutionize your life soon enough, but today it has allowed for this marvel to bring the past into the present at any future time of your choosing.

Behold:

Part 1 Part 2 (Derek's performance ran a little into the second hour.)

Thanks again to KPSU for letting me host, this, Ricardo Wang for being hard up and needing to make real money that day, and of course, Derek Johnson for rushing into the studio at the last second and still pulling off a great performance.

Derek M. Johnson Live on WTC 12/6/08!

This just came in the mail from Ricardo Wang:

Due to the global financial crisis, and my own familial financial crisis brought on by having a new child, this weekend finds me selling concessions at a dog show for extra funds...

Consequently, Yet Another Pope Austin Rich will be guest hosting What's This Called? for Saturday, December 6th, 2008 from Noon to 1 PM Pacific Time (oddly, that's 11 AM to noon in Nome, Alaska) on KPSU.

Austin will be joined in the studio by a very special live musical guest, Avant-Noise Cellist Derek M. Johnson (formerly also known as M.E. & Me) from Olympia, WA! Derek will be making his sophomore live appearance on What's This Called? after melting the KPSU airwaves into a wreathing puddle of sonic ecstasy back in June of 2006. This new performance will be delicately sandwiched between appearances in Seattle at Gallery 1412 on Friday night and Worksound in Portland (820 SE Alder ST) Saturday at 8 PMish. They don't call him "the hardest working cellist in show business" for nothing!

As always we'll be STREAMING LIVE RIGHT HERE!

or on the radio in the Portland vicinity via:

1450 AM for the Portland OR/Vancouver WA metro area
98.1 FM on the Portland State University campus



Derek M. Johnson Live on WTC on 6/23/2006.

Stay Tuned

Oh, don't act all surprised or anything. You knew it was bound to happen, sooner or later.

Fighting The Symptoms

I try not to talk about the economic crisis, mostly because I don't know much about economics. Money has always been far too abstract for me to make clear sense of, and for most of my life I've had so little money, understanding it seemed somewhat moot. Doesn't do any good to try to understand something you'll never have enough of anyway. Better to stand in line for the gub-ment cheese and hope for the best.

However, one symptom I've noticed (with regards to the crisis) is a lack of humanity when dealing with the people on the other end of the counter. Modern life has afforded us many luxuries and new developments that, supposedly, make life easier. But as our finances have become more and more complicated in the 21st Century, more and more layers or banking have been added to the world around us, to help mediate the varied transactions we make in our lives. It was only within the last 30 years that the majority of people in America paid actual cash for nearly every transaction in their lives. Today, only the most sundry of purchases are paid for in that way. Money, for all intents and purposes, has become almost entirely electronic. And therein lies the problem.

To process the multitudes of electronic transactions that occur every day, there is a huge American workforce to handle the tasks. This creates an unusual dynamic with regards to the employee / customer relationship: where you used to always get something from a transaction like this (usually involving cash money or a service that was provided to you), now that everything is electronic, most transactions occur in the abstract. For example: I go to a counter to pay a bill. I hand over a card, it's swiped, and then handed back. No real money changed hands, and technically the service I got was that this clerk paid my bill for me. The actually service I was paying for is provided by an entirely other party, completely unrelated to the transaction that I'm involved in.

Weird, huh?

Now, the "counter" in the above example, is more often than not a phone these days, but the concept is the same. We make an abstract electronic payment to a third party person so another service we've received from someone else is now "covered." There are so many levels of removal from a real business interaction that it's easy to see how we achieved a financial crisis: people spend imaginary money to pay someone to process a service that we may or may not have gotten, regardless of the fact that we have real, actual money in the bank. Pretty soon, even the most diligent consumer, reaches a point when something doesn't add up at the end of the month.

Since school started in September, I've had three money snafu's with regards to PSU's Cashiering Department. That's one per month this term. (Provided, the term started at the end of September, and it's now the beginning of December.) First, PSU refused to accept a payment from me for a Dental Appointment, and yet wanted to penalize me for not making the payment. (I still don't understand that one.) Second, they mailed my Financial Aid check to my old address, after a full year of getting my checks at my current address. And then, today, I found out that PSU decided to mail my check to me rather than have me pick it up in the Cashier's Office, which goes against four years of picking up checks from PSU. (The fact that I could see the check sitting in an "outgoing" box behind the clerk didn't seem to matter. In the eyes of PSU, it was already out the building. No amount of begging could get her to give it to me.)

Now, I'm a fairly honest person who tries hard to be a good member of my community. I don't lie about important things, and I don't try to shirk my important responsibilities. I make efforts to pay my bills more or less on time, and outside of childhood indiscretions, have never stolen anything from anyone. This doesn't mean that I'm perfect, or that I don't make mistakes; actually, I probably screw up in some way once a day. I'm merely your average person trying to get by, day to day, with the hopes that I can achieve happiness and contentment in some form or another. More than anything, I have no interest in seeing other people suffer, nor do I feel like I shouldn't have sympathy for those around me.

What I find extremely interesting is that the current structure of the economy in America (and, I assume, most of the Westernized World) creates actual barriers toward allowing for a human understanding of these kinds of financial transactions. When I used to have to pay my bills in person, you developed a rapport with the clerks, and they sympathized with you when times were tough, or when something unusual occurred. Under the current structure, I can't even go to a counter anymore to pay my bills. PSU requires that you pay everything electronically, via their website. I can't even reach the same person twice when I call the Cashiering Office to complain, and when I call back a second time, there's never a record of the previous calls. I assume the (ironically) unwritten rule must be: If it's not written down, it no longer matters.

I've worked on the other side of the metaphoric counter at ACS (a company that handles farmed-out work from other corporate entities... another remove from the customer / service provided dynamic of the past). ACS tells you very specifically how to follow the correct corporate proceedures. Some of the rules at ACS included, "Never tell a customer that there is a manager that can field their question, even if there is one," and, "Even if they are in the right, you are never allowed to credit a customer's account." When a customer had actually been screwed over, and it was clear that we did the screwing, company policy mandated that I couldn't help them. The most I could do is listen to their problems, and say, "I'm sorry." Anything further could result in termination.

There came a point today, when I went to get my check, where the Kafkan nonsense of what was happening to me had reached its peak. The woman in front of me refused to escellate the problem to her superior, even after I asked her to. She explained that, even though I had been getting my checks at that window for four years, she had been in the Department for 18 months, and therefore, she should know better. I begged her to just hand me the check behind her, to which she replied that she would get fired for doing so. I finally posited the following scenario:

"So, what if I need to pay my rent, and because of this clerical error, I won't get my check for over a week. So now, I run the risk of being evicted during the week before finals. What do you think I should do?"

Her response: "Well, you should have thought ahead. I would drop out of school and look for a new place to live."

We have reached a point in our culture where we get paid to not care about those around us, at a time when we should be trying harder to be there for our community. I don't want to get lovey dovey and go live on a commune; I'm not even saying that we need to smash the current system and replace it with something better. (Though, I can't say I'm against that.) Just looking at the world rationally, I can't find a reason to not be concerned for the people around you. I got written up nearly every day I worked at ACS, because when a customer would ask for a little understanding, I dropped the performative role that I was being paid for, and honestly tried to find a way to work things out. There's no reason to spend your life at "counters," trying to defend yourself in a situation where you are poor and have no recourse. What possible harm can a poor person with no resources do to you? Now, look at the reverse of the situation: what can you do to help this person when they are at the end of their rope?

Can you really come up for an arguement to support being such an asshole?

In spite of everything, the woman at the counter today still refused to hand me my check. In frustration, I finally said, "Do you realize how inhumane your behavior is?" she looked at me and scowled.

"That's not my concern; I just work here."

I'm still in complete and total shock. Tonight, she will go home, open up her blog, talk about how well she did her job, eat a huge Middle Class Sized Dinner, and go to sleep feeling like a good member of her community.

My question is: is she? Am I the crazy one here?

Old Is New... Again

A recent familial rendezvous allowed me to meet up with my brother Kyle, who was storing the data to my old Blog that he used to host. Due to the wonders of modern technology, he was not only able to hook me up with copies of the data, but a means of accessing it in an easy-to-read way. Let's hear it for the wonder of computing!

What does that mean? Well, I will occasionally be adding new-old blog entries to this site, like this one, itself part of the new-old paradigm: it's a post about a 'zine I used to offer in the olden-days, that is now available again... or at least, was, until the old blog, which explained as much, became hosed.

Confused? Well, don't be. Just remember that, from time to time, some old content will occasionally resurface, and I'll probably draw attention to it. You can rest assured that it will only be the best of the best... or, at least, whatever is still readable all these years later.

My what a tangled web I weave...

Living Proof on Anti-Apathy!

My most recent foray into the world of recording bands came again last week on Wednesday, November 26th. Again, as a favor to Rachelle, I ran sound for local hip-hop heroes Living Proof. Again, this was for her show, Anti-Apathy, which features local music of almost any variety, in both the pre-recorded and live varieties. In this particular case, the show was actually broadcast last night, but we recorded the performance during the last minute rush before Thanksgiving. I almost missed my train for these guys, so that should mean something.

For clarity's sake: while you probably can't hear me directly, I set up the sound for these guys, and mixed / recorded their performance. Occasionally you can hear me clap and hoot in the background, but really, the magic is in the mix. Word.

You can download the show here for the next several weeks. (It was originally broadcast December 1st from 6-7 PM.)

Need a sound guy? I specialize in KPSU sound requests, Bat Mitzvahs, and anything involving my friends. Word.

Derek M Johnson Live!

On a very special episode of What's This Called?, tune in on December 6th at 12 Noon sharp to hear none other than Derek M Johnson, live on KPSU!

What's so special about this particular broadcast? Well, first, I'll be guest-hosting, filling in while Ricardo Wang is out of town on business. So, not only do you get to hear an awesome set by the man who backed Unwound on their Leaves Turn Inside You album, but you also get to hear me bring it all together for an hour, on KPSU.

It should be a lot of fun, and I'll post most info her when I know it. But I've seen this guy play a few times now, and if you like spacey, trippy cello music with lots of effects pedals and a super-cool host helping you freak out on a Saturday Morning, then tune your radio to KPSU on Saturday, from Noon - 1 PM on December 6th. I promise not to dissapoint.

Anti-Apathy w/ Tea For Julie

As a favor to my friends at KPSU, I ran live sound today for Rachelle's show, Anti-Apathy. On tap: Tea For Julie, a local indie-pop band performing in a two-piece incarnation for the first time ever. Rachelle had them on for a half-hour set of live tunes, followed by a casual interview full of questions all around the table. Aside from my signature mix, you won't hear me directly; occasionally you'll hear me hooting and clapping, and making loud comments and laughing.

You can download the show here for the next several weeks. (It was originally broadcast today from 6-7 PM.)

Apparently, my recent guest spot on What's This Called? has more or less opened the floodgates, so watch this spot for information about future radio appearances. I can promise that there will be at least one more engineering gig, and at least two guest spots as I cover for out of town DJs.

Requests? Drop me an e-mail...

Ironical

The other day I noticed this sticker at the bus stop near my house, and I got really excited. First off, it's a sentiment I can get behind 100%; as The Learn-ed Council Of Wise Men once said, "Bad music is a stain upon our culture that must be identified and treated as soon as possible, before it has a chance to turn into Creed, or worse." Second, since this was promoting a website, I was kinda excited by the idea of a guy who had a blog dedicated to, what I assumed, would be good music. My Socratic logic being, if you're against bad, you must be for good. Right?

Needless to say, I was very disappointed to see that this was not the case. Do not be deceived! While this is an ideological move that most music fans can support, it fails to deliver an acceptable alternative! You will not find good music here, and those who try are bound to be as disappointed as I was. I have suffered for you my friends; do not make the same mistake I did.

Change Comes From Within... Wine Jugs.

In 1995 I found a gallon wine jug that wasn't being used anymore, mostly because my friends and I had drained it. I cleaned it, peeled the labels off, and immediately began putting my change in it.

I was inspired to do so by a variety of people. My roommate, The Ramen City Kid, had a penny jar, and around this time my friend Justin was able to afford a trip to Europe funded by tips he'd saved in a jar. It seemed like the thing to do, and there was something very Country Mouse about saving money this way.

My problem, of course, was that I was almost always broke when I started this habit. For many years, the jar remained fairly empty. At the end of the month I would desperately need to buy food, so I'd spill the contents of the jar on my bed, pick out the silver, and survive for another few days. I would have idle fantasies that, someday, the jar would actually be full. What I would do with it when it was full, I couldn't say. But it would be a glorious day, indeed.

Flash-forward to three years ago. Suddenly, I noticed that I hadn't had to dig into the jar in quite some time. Not only was the level of coinage going up, but I was adding to it almost every day, and never needed to dip in anymore. Soon, the jar became almost too heavy to lift with one hand. I tried to forget that it was even money, and when I did think of it in those terms, I tried to pretend it was all pennies. For some reason, it didn't seem as valuable that way. In the back of my mind, it was my other other savings. For what, though, I wasn't sure.

Until I checked the balance of my account last week, and noticed that the economic crisis was finally hitting me, too. Normally this only happens at the end of the month, and I can sit a few days out of my usual routine and stick closer to the homestead. But this time, there just was no denying it. For the first time in years, I had to dip into the jar.

At first I was embarrassed. I had, finally, almost filled the jar, and was also concerned about having to carry large bags of coins with me to do my shopping. To my benefit, there is actually quite a bit in the jar now; I've been living off of it for the last week +, and the picture above was taken this morning. To my further surprise, everywhere I've gone has been really excited to see me pay in coins. "Oh, we need quarters! Thank you!" The fact that I'm still wearing residual pieces of my hobo costume from Halloween seems to add to the effect; hey, that jacket it warm!

As soon as I pull out the bag of coins, I get a huge laugh, and the same exchange takes place.

"Ha ha. You too, huh?"

"Yep."

It's amazing how many discounts you can get when everyone is in the same boat.

Winter Fashion

I'm trying a new look for ye ol' blog this winter, and I wanted to get your input. I have to confess: my love of design and the visual pleasures in the world have, unfortunately, failed to instill in me some sort of intuitive understanding of how to achieve similar effects. I have a real blindspot when it comes to how you construct something in a visually interesting way; I just knows it when I sees it.

Anyway, comments and suggestions of the design of this here textual oddity would be most appreciated. If any of you happen to be considerate web designers who might be interested in doing a little outside work, let's barter. It's the spirit of the times, my friends!

If anyone wanted to tackle a new design for the logo, I would be so kind as to reward you with some as-yet-disclosed prize, which will probably turn out to be something from the treasure trove of records that I have squirlled away in my basement. Can you say Grand Funk Railroad, Live?

Naked Trees Point To The North Star

It occurred to me that I haven't plugged the new publication since I switched to this new-fangled Inter-Web 2.0 Blog, so I thought it might be a good time to recommend that you place your X-Mas A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Inc. orders early for...

Naked Trees Point To The North Star
by Austin Rich

(collected fiction, available in paper or electronic format $6.00 includes shipping)

Read what other readers are writing about this book! (Very meta!)

"It was really good! I'm not much of a literary critic, all I know is I enjoyed reading the stories a lot."

- Karly Rich, paid family member. (I swear, the check's in the mail!)

"I liked it! A title is a very important component. No phrase was left unspun, and a great job of writing the 'fairer sex.' To Be Concerned is Good is my favorite; I thought the boss' typo-laden letters were hilarious."

- Lans Nelson, local female & paid staff member.

"It was a weird reading experience; there's such an odd mix of humor and despair, intelligence and bafflement, acceptance and frustration, kindness and desperation. Very hard to characterize!"

- Heidi Stauber, Austin's High School English Teacher, who has received no financial compensation for this statement... yet.

Do You Mind?

There are recurring people in our lives that we have to deal with. Not specific people, but rather, people prototypes that embody a group or type that, in turn, seem to repeat over and over again, but are in fact merely a string of different people, all with the same basic “issues” that the rest of us have to deal with.

Here are a few examples of the kind of people that I regularly have to deal with at the computer lab:

1.) White Persons w/ Dread Locks. Every white person sporting dread locks seems to be a dick, to one degree or another. Let’s look at the facts: you are an upper-middle class person with the time and resources to dread your painfully white hair. You continue to expect things from me that I can’t give you. (Like, a computer in front of the 20 people who are all waiting for a computer.) When I don’t come through for you, you bitch me out and ask to speak to my boss. Either that, or you clip lighter pieces to the end of your dreads, then whirl them around at shows, nailing me in the face over and over again. When I tell you to stop, because you’re hitting me in the face, you flip me off and continue. I’m sorry, you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

2.) Gay Man w/ Two Chihuahuas. Yes. Two. Every time you come into my Lab you are demanding & rude. When you don’t get to use your favorite computer, you get mad at me (despite the fact that the computers with scanners are reserved for people scanning things, and you never scan anything). Then you let your dogs run around, yipping loudly and pulling cords out from their sockets. When I tell you to leave, because you are disrupting the lab by loudly talking to your friend about going out the other day, you tell me I’m closed-minded and insensitive. I’m sorry, but you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

3.) People Who Cannot Read. Frankly, I’m just prejudiced. Sorry.

4.) People Checking Their MySpace / Facebook Accounts in a Computer Lab. Guh? So, you’re a fan of social networking sites. You like to update your page constantly, but never do your homework in the lab. Why don’t you do this at home, with a cup of coffee & some comfortable clothes? When a huge line of people is impatiently waiting to use a computer to do their homework, you shuffle in your seat and open up a few more tabs for Flickr & Netflix. When I ask you to leave, since you’re not doing homework and there are others that need the computer, you get angry and ask to speak to my boss. I’m sorry, but you too are no longer welcome in my computer lab.

5.) Loud Guy. Wait... Loud Guy? What are you doing in my Computer Lab? This isn't even the same blog post anymore! Get out of here!

6.) The Large, Obnoxious, Smelly & Noisy Woman Who Comes Into My Lab Every Night and Refuses to Leave On Time. When I give the Half-Hour-Until-10-PM Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to relocate to the 24 Hour Lab on campus, you snort and ignore me. When I give the 15 Minute Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to use the printer anymore, you snort and ignore me. After I turn off the printer and give the 5 Minute Countdown Announcement, you get angry that I turned off the Printer and ask me to turn it back on for you, despite weather or not you have anything to print. When it’s time to lock the door, you get really angry, take 10 minutes to pack up your stuff, then ask me how to get to the 24 Hour Lab on campus. When I tell you that you have to arrive at the building before 10 PM – which is why I make the announcement 30 Minutes before – you get even more angry, and ask to speak to my boss.

I’m sorry, but if you keep this behavior up, I might have to call in a favor from some friends of mine from the Little Italy Student Group on campus. Because you, you’re an asshole.

Podcast Recommendations, Anyone?

I consume a lot of podcasts during my twice-daily commutes, and after a while you run into a lot of the same old, same old.

Any recommendations? Anyone? Anything? What do you listen to when you need a dose of radio?

a.k.a. Used Books & Records

In the late '80's and '90's my mom ran a bookstore / record store called a.k.a. Used Books & Records. She and her partner took care of every aspect of the store: they traveled all over the West Coast buying books, records, & comics, built home-made tables, shelves, and racks for the merchandise, and painted / made every sign they hung in the store. It was a huge undertaking; almost every waking hour involved something with "The Shop," and my first job was helping them out in the store. It was a formative experience; the three things I seem to value most in life are books, comics & records.

Eventually they went out of business. There was just too much work to do, not enough money coming in, and few places a pair of lesbian business owners could turn in the small, closed-minded town of Cottage Grove. Eventually they sold the business, except for the Records, which the new owner was not interested in. Ever since, my mom has had the back-stock from The Shop in storage.

Every so often she would kick down a few Records here or there, and then we eventually fell into a regular routine: she would deliver to me a box of Records that she didn't want, and I would keep anything I was interested in and dispose of the rest for her. It was a fair deal, as I got free records for a little amount of work, and she was rid of a box that was cluttering up her house.

Yesterday I got the most recent delivery when my sister and brother were passing through town. These boxes of records are always very well picked over by the time I get them. Occasionally you'll find a gem here and there, but on the whole, you are better off selecting for reasons other than the music contained within. I now have the complete Moody Blues collection; aside from looking at the album covers, however, they remain unplayed.

Here are a few selections that came in yesterday's shipment:

Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House. I collect Halloween Records and music, but so does everyone else that has any good taste. Thus, there are certain ones that I've been looking for, but have never managed to get. My roommate laughed at me when I found this one, because I actually gasped audibly and quickly began pouring over the liner notes. This record is the Soundtrack to The Haunted House in Disneyland, and is one of the earliest Halloween "Scary Sounds" Records around. Side A is a series of scary stories, while Side B is a collection of scary noises and sounds (Screams, Animals Howling, Doors Creaking, etc.) I can't wait to put this next to Sounds To Make You Shiver and A Night In A Haunted House.

Robert Gordon w/ Link Wray - Fresh Fish Special. Robert Gordon was the primary mover and shaker behind Tuff Darts, a little-known band in the NY punk scene. Robert went solo and started playing with Link Wray (yes, THE Link Wray), and recorded a few albums of covers with Wray as the primary guitar player. Gordon led the East Coast rockabilly revival in the late '70's, but without any original tunes on this album, nor the promise of the full power of Link Wray coming to the forefront, this can't possibly be as good as, say, actually listening to a real Link Wray album instead. Why my mom had this or knew about it is still beyond me. (My guess: this album is most notable for Gordon & Wray doing a cover of the Springsteen hit, "Fire." )

Emerson Lake & Palmer - Love Beach. As allmusic.com is quick to point out, this is ELP's "contractual obligation" record with Atlantic, and thus, is all you need to know about this album. I would contend that you should also know that all three of these men have their shirts unbuttoned to some degree, are all wearing gold chains, and have hairy chests. I would also assert that you should know that Side B consists of one, 20-Minute long suite that is broken up into four parts, and was also released in 1978. Aside from that, I don't think I ever need to know anything else about this album, or even listen to it, for that matter. It's the little pleasures in life...

Al Hirt - Music To Watch Girls By. Al "He's The King" Hirt released this "Dynagroove Recording" in 1967, and was (apparently) available in both Mono & Stereo. The back of the album shows Al playing trumpet, next to his name inside of a crown logo, above the phrase, "Al Hirt - A man for all girl watchers."

Which is funny, because I have always been looking for the perfect man to compliment my girl watching activities, and now it turns out that he recorded a soundtrack for me to do this by, too. Will wonders never cease?

Guh?

Is this for real?

http://www.batterblaster.com/

I mean, it's a joke. Right? Organic Aerosol Pancakes? From a spray can?

The Truth About De-Evolution, indeed...

(Thanks to, or terrified horror to, Colin for forwarding this.)

How's It Named? Links

For those of you who missed yesterday's episode of What's This Called?, fear not! The power of the Inter-Web enables you to retrieve a recording of this broadcast at your leisure, and thus listen to it with the .mp3 playing device of your choice. Observe the links below:

Archive Link: Nov 8th, 2008 Broadcast from noon - 1 PM. (Note: we went over by a few minutes, and so our last voice over may be recorded in the following hour, archived here.)

Playlist: Includes links and information about all the songs we played.

In preparation for the show, Ricardo created this really cool photo remix (featured right). This was included in all the promotion he did for this episode, and you can find more information about this photo (and viewer comments) here. If I were you, I'd check out the rest of his photos, too. Very, very cool.

Lastly: on April 14th of 2007, Ricardo hosted the group Mortal Engines on What's This Called?, and as I was working at KPSU at the time, I got tapped to run live sound. Well, little did I know that three of these recordings would wind up on one of their albums: Sugar Skull, which was just released a few months ago. It was really cool to get credited again for some live sound work I've done, and the album is well worth checking out.

Hopefully there won't be nearly as much of a gap between this and the next radio appearance I make. This was just too much fun to put off this long again.

How's It Named?

For those of you who were keen on listening to the various incarnations of my radio shows, now is your chance to hear me on the air again this Saturday, November 8th: KPSU's very own Ricardo Wang, host of What's This Called?, invited me co-host his show, something we've been trying to arrange, "All Summer Long." (A song you will never hear on his show.)

For those of you who have not been obsessively podcasting his show for the last few years, Ricardo has been in radio since 1985, with a focus on Experimental Music that covers a wide range of styles and sounds. When I first met Ricardo, he did a guest spot on my show almost four years ago. Why it took us this long to team up again is anyone's guess.

You can listen to the show in a variety of ways: in the Portland Metro area, tune in at 1450 AM. For those on the PSU campus, tune in at 98.1 FM. And for those with access to the Inter-Web, point your browser at to kpsu.org to stream the show live.

While I'm not entirely sure what you can expect in terms of specific music, I know that I will be bringing my Interurban Memories LP - a collection of recordings of public transit systems from the 50's and 60's - to use during voice overs. The rest, my friends, I will leave up to the fates.

Until then: enjoy!

Wow.

That was fast.

I was really expecting it to take much longer.

It occurs to me that I haven't voted for a winner in a presidential election since the first time I voted, in 1996. Wow.

I'm still sort of shocked.

Social Interaction Observation

In no particular order:

1.) If you happen to believe something (let's say, x), and there is a name for x (let's say, y), why would you deny that x = y, even though you support both?

2.) Is it better to let people deduce your opinion based on behavior and action (which can be, under observation, misleading), or directly tell them what you think, risking their misunderstanding your definition of terms?

3.) Which is more painful: being asked to rehash skills you may already have in the hope of strengthening them (at the risk of boring the practitioner), or assuming the practitioner already has the skills you are judging them on, and penalizing them for each time they practice the skill incorrectly?

4.) Pet Sounds or Sergeant Pepers? (Exile On Main or Who's Next? The Stooges or The Ramones?)

5.) Is it better to let the loud annoying guy disrupt class, ruining things for everyone, or single him out for his disruption, now dividing the classroom ire amongst the two of you? (Ancillary question: whom do you sympathize with when this happens?)

6.) Socrates was an annoying, pretentious asshole who finally pissed too many people off, and had to face public ridicule and death. Your boyfriend is heading down the same road. Discuss.

7.) Yo, Loud Annoying Guy! How many times do I have to tell you?

8.) At what point do you admit defeat and actually read every article, do every assignment, engage in every discussion, do two hours of studying for every hour of class, and give up all hope of pursuing your hopes, dreams, goals, and social life? Three years?

9.) What is the likelihood that you will ever get a job relating to your minor? What are the odds anyone will ever even ask you about your minor? How many future dates will depend on it? Will your children show interest in it?

10.) The horrible truth we all don't want to admit: C's Get Degrees, you will still wind up in a cubicle sooner or later, and the ideals you hold strongly now will quickly be tossed in the trash if we can just get a decent, regular paycheck. Discuss the pros in cons in an 8 to 10 page page, noting that you'll need to cite at least two outside sources, relate it to one of the primary texts and stated classroom goals, and turn your assignment in on time, in perfect grammatical English. Minus one letter grade for each red mark on the page. MLA Format preferred.

Life Really Does Imitate Art... In Comics

As a person dependent on bus transportation, you quickly tire of many of the usual ways to pass the time when being ferried back and forth. To shake things up, I've been listening to NPR on my iPod, since it's not only a surefire way to show my instant alignment with the political Left, but it also sends a clear signal to the masturbating homeless man sitting next to me that it's not okay to engage me in conversation. (Might I add: mission accomplished.)

Recently I listened to this Radiolab episode, in which Robert Krulwich and Brian Greene get down to brass tacks about the nature of the universe. It's pretty compelling stuff, and Robert's incredulous questioning not only acts as a proxy for the usual kind of scepticism new ideas like this tend to become associated with, but Brian's cool demeanor in what must be a pretty uncomfortable position creates a perfect science narrative for us to take home: even in the face of absolute hostility from skeptics, the bigger truths that science is uncovering are, without a doubt, compelling and fascinating, even for Christians.

Even more interesting than the encoded religious discourse is the fact that, according to Brian's understanding of the universe, Comic Books had it right all along: we live in a universe where every imaginable variant universe - and, in fact, exact, to-the-molecule duplicates - exists somewhere, "out there." Not only that, but there are exact duplicates of me in other duplicate universes posting this exact same blog entry... along with all the other versions of me that are posting entirely other things (or, similar things worded differently). I'm sure the duplicates of you, reading this, are having the same reactions to reading this sentence as you are, too.

Metatextual jokes aside, the hilarious part to me, listening to this, was how easily I believed Brian's "crazy" ideas. The whole time I was thinking, "this is like the multiverse concept in DC Comics... a concept propagated by every other version of DC Comics in all the other universes, too." It led to some pretty funny moments throughout the podcast, which I'm sure was amusing to the other people riding the bus, as they inched further away from the giggling kid with the iPod at 8:30 in the morning.

Shave And The World Shaves With You...

Some questions with regards to shaving:

1.) Does anyone actually enjoy shaving? (Outside of fetishes & 19th Century barbers?)

2.) Is there any way to know if people of the opposite sex like / don’t like facial hair until it’s too late? And if so, how come no one has marketed a device that can answer this question for us early in the dating process? Do we really need that many ring-tones, when we really just want to know if they'll go out with us?

3.) Do any of those bearded indie rockers realize how lame they actually look? I mean, really? Does the beard make their music bad, or does the bad music stimulate beard growth? Do I really want to know the answer to that question?

4.) How much longer can us clean-shaven weirdos hold out for a date without an indie-rock beard? Five years? ...Six?

5.) Will someone ever develop facial hair that doesn’t appear inherently gay? If so, what would we call it?

Wall-E or Add-M?

Pixar is well known for including Easter Eggs in all their movies; the best known example is The Pizza Planet Truck that turns up in all of their movies. Part of the beauty and wonder of their films is the level of nuance and detail within. Ostensibly dealing in animated children’s movies, this overt description does little to get at the depth Pixar’s films usually contain. The text of Wall-E may explicitly depict the animated goings-on of a cute robot, but beneath the surface lies a rich world of images and themes for the casual (or academic) viewer to unpack.

Wall-E has two very different themes on the surface: that of a robot love story, and that of the future of consumer culture on (or, as it turns out, off) Earth. Despite the comments of critics and defenders of this film, these elements seem to be undeniable, and yet are handled with humor and pathos in a way that audiences find endearing. Many critics felt the “cute” factor was pushed too far, and that it was too easy to ignore the ecological story. Still others say that, while present, there was little in the story to spark genuine awareness of – and, thus sympathy for – any “cause” that might spark such a story.

I would argue that, while both themes are big elements of the film, at the center of Wall-E is not a love story, or a commentary on consumer culture, but that of religious and romantic satire. Wall-E, the robot, not only perfectly embodies male gender roles that are prescribed to us in modern culture, but he is a bot searching for meaning in a seemingly-meaningless universe. As we look to Wall-E to teach us about humanity, he looks at the stars in search of God.

Wall-E fulfills the role of the single, working-class man as he goes through his sad and lonely existence as the last robot on Earth. Filthy, short and squat, and filled to the brim with tics and neuroses, he gets up every morning to go to work, waiting to go back home and enjoy the company of his pet and his ever-increasing collection. Ever the pack-rat, his interests skirt the mainstream and focus on the unusual. (He tosses aside the seemingly unimportant diamond ring in favor of the novelty “box” that it comes in.) His obsessive interest in Hello, Dolly! is particularly interesting; as a robot, he could easily remember the plot of the film verbatim, and yet gets immense joy out of the ritualistic, repeated viewing / singing of a single scene and song.

This repetitive, ritualistic behavior is almost pathological with Wall-E. As the only robot left on Earth, the task of cleaning up after the humans becomes extremely moot; in 700 years, he has come no closer to cleaning up the planet than we have today. Yet, he continues the task day in, day out. Why? If we maintain the above-mentioned “cute” aesthetic reading of the film, then it seems that the “work” is just a cover, an excuse to leave the house to add to his ever-mounting collection. But if this were the case, why compact garbage at all?

There is a moment in the film, as the dust-cloud that covers the planet parts for a brief moment, where Wall-E looks listlessly at the stars, and it is this moment that puts into perspective his continued efforts. Remaining on Earth is a lonely existence, and the self-evident truth that persists in Wall-E is that the humans are somewhere, in space, aboard a ship called the Axiom. As he listlessly looks to the sky, the compulsive habit of compacting garbage and building them into towers suddenly makes sense. Wall-E’s collection (and pet) do give him joy, but it’s the ziggurats he’s building toward Heaven that will ultimately pay off for him.

In ancient Babylon, so the story goes, Christian’s built one particular ziggurat – The Tower Of Babel – as the ultimate achievement of their united culture. But the hubris of man displeased God, and he destroyed the towers and muddled their language so they could no longer understand each other. This emphasis on language is interesting, as it is one of the primary problems that Wall-E faces in the film: Wall-E can barely talk. While extremely expressive, “God” has punished him for his ziggurat building. When he finally meets another of his kind, he can only spout off a few nouns, impairing their ability to communication for most of the film.

These religious symbols crop up throughout Wall-E. Alone on Earth, “God” sends EVE to meet Wall-E, and they are alone initially, with only a few leaves (dangling from a plant) between them. Eventually, “God” calls upon EVE to find out what she’s been up to, and while it is Wall-E that found the plant, they are both punished when they arrive on the Axiom. The Axiom itself works as a religious metaphor: a “self-evident truth” that sits in the sky, above Earth, that does not need to be proved. The Axiom imparts knowledge, and once this spark of knowledge is alive (for example, in The Captain), he (and the others) must be cast out of the idyllic human existence they were used to.

When “God” provides Wall-E with an EVE to partner with, however, the movie begins to slowly present prescribed gender roles in the form of opposites. Wall-E represents the modern male: compulsive and messy, he indulges in ridiculous collections and inane, neurotic behavior to pass the time. EVE, however, is reasonable, clean, and duty bound. Wall-E is not sure what to do when confronted with life, instead opting to plop it in an old shoe and add it to his collection. EVE, conversely, is instantaneously able to understand how to nurture and care for life, going so far as to protect it in a womb-like environment.

Wall-E maintains a job, but his interests are much more important to him. He is more desire and emotion-driven. Conversely, EVE is much more willing to tend to life, which is essentially her job, first and foremost; her interests and desires don’t even come into the film until near the end. And the scenes with Wall-E and EVE together are particularly intriguing: as if they’ve already settled into a long-term romance, EVE is constantly embarrassed by Wall-E’s behavior in public, nagging him and berating him until he’s almost embarrassed. This culminates in the “cleaning” scene: as Wall-E watches through a screen and becomes horrified by what he assumes is EVE being slowly dismembered, he comes to rescue her only to find she is extremely embarrassed to have him burst in on her at the “salon.”

In the final scenes of the movie, these elements are completely ramped up. Cast out of the Axiom, EVE & Wall-E return to Earth. EVE desperately tends to Wall-E, ultimately saving his life as she fulfills the role of the maternal nurse. Having been the only two inhabitants of Earth before, after being cast out of the Axiom they are now the parents of the human inhabitants, all completely naïve as children. As the credits roll, we see this primitive culture move through the historic artistic movements, each one coded with specific romantic and religious elements.

The final “sting” at the end of the credits seems to bring the consumer / ecological message full circle: throughout the movie, we slowly learn that the “Buy ‘n’ Large” company was responsible for the planet’s ultimate downfall, and their corporate logo brands the film in the final seconds. And there is no reason to ignore this aspect of the film: consider the garbage that was produced in creating – and then going to see – this movie in the theater. Did you throw out your ticket stub, or recycle it? The irony doesn’t always register, nor should we expect it.

What we can expect, though, is a richer movie experience when seen through the lens of religious metaphor and prescribed gender roles in our culture. Wall-E functions as a way of propagating this meme in our society; the film is family friendly, and aimed at kids. As we watch Wall-E nervously reach out to hold the hand of EVE, we should be asking ourselves if this is a careful observation of one aspect of dating, or if it’s an attempt to reinforce his Adam-like station in life as he tries to reach for the hand of God.

Whoa. Déjà Vu.

L.ife S.ucks D.arling

From the "Can't Leave Well Enough Alone" Dept., A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Inc. are now making these long-since out-of-print Zines available, to you, again:

L.ife S.ucks D.arling #1
(Essay / Collage color electronic version available
5.5" x 8.5"
$1.00)

Soylent Green & Olaf D. Neeper are actually Austin Rich & Syd Louse (of Cathead). This relic from 1995 was assembled in "merely two hours," fueled by coffee and our increasingly psychedelic views of the world around us. This one is worth the price for the Nixon Collage alone.

* * * * * *

L.ife S.ucks D.arling #2
(Essay / Collage color electronic version available
5.5" x 8.5"
$1.00)

Spurned on by a fan who wrote in to receive their free plastic spoon (stolen from McDonalds, late at night I might add), we went ahead and created a second issue, this time with Garl P. Snodgrass (kiisu d'salyss) in tow. The M.O. is pretty much the same, except this issue contains a few different versions of Pete The Junky Duck (for no discernible reason, I might add).

* * * * * *

Special Two-For-One Deal!
(Essay / Collage black and white print or color electronic version available
5.5" x 8.5" staple bound
$2.00)

Reprinting all the material from both issues of L.ife S.ucks D.arling, this collection is your one stop shopping for late-night shenanigans and insomnia-fueled cut-n-paste work. All for the low price of $2.00, American.