Do You Mind?

There are recurring people in our lives that we have to deal with. Not specific people, but rather, people prototypes that embody a group or type that, in turn, seem to repeat over and over again, but are in fact merely a string of different people, all with the same basic “issues” that the rest of us have to deal with.

Here are a few examples of the kind of people that I regularly have to deal with at the computer lab:

1.) White Persons w/ Dread Locks. Every white person sporting dread locks seems to be a dick, to one degree or another. Let’s look at the facts: you are an upper-middle class person with the time and resources to dread your painfully white hair. You continue to expect things from me that I can’t give you. (Like, a computer in front of the 20 people who are all waiting for a computer.) When I don’t come through for you, you bitch me out and ask to speak to my boss. Either that, or you clip lighter pieces to the end of your dreads, then whirl them around at shows, nailing me in the face over and over again. When I tell you to stop, because you’re hitting me in the face, you flip me off and continue. I’m sorry, you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

2.) Gay Man w/ Two Chihuahuas. Yes. Two. Every time you come into my Lab you are demanding & rude. When you don’t get to use your favorite computer, you get mad at me (despite the fact that the computers with scanners are reserved for people scanning things, and you never scan anything). Then you let your dogs run around, yipping loudly and pulling cords out from their sockets. When I tell you to leave, because you are disrupting the lab by loudly talking to your friend about going out the other day, you tell me I’m closed-minded and insensitive. I’m sorry, but you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

3.) People Who Cannot Read. Frankly, I’m just prejudiced. Sorry.

4.) People Checking Their MySpace / Facebook Accounts in a Computer Lab. Guh? So, you’re a fan of social networking sites. You like to update your page constantly, but never do your homework in the lab. Why don’t you do this at home, with a cup of coffee & some comfortable clothes? When a huge line of people is impatiently waiting to use a computer to do their homework, you shuffle in your seat and open up a few more tabs for Flickr & Netflix. When I ask you to leave, since you’re not doing homework and there are others that need the computer, you get angry and ask to speak to my boss. I’m sorry, but you too are no longer welcome in my computer lab.

5.) Loud Guy. Wait... Loud Guy? What are you doing in my Computer Lab? This isn't even the same blog post anymore! Get out of here!

6.) The Large, Obnoxious, Smelly & Noisy Woman Who Comes Into My Lab Every Night and Refuses to Leave On Time. When I give the Half-Hour-Until-10-PM Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to relocate to the 24 Hour Lab on campus, you snort and ignore me. When I give the 15 Minute Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to use the printer anymore, you snort and ignore me. After I turn off the printer and give the 5 Minute Countdown Announcement, you get angry that I turned off the Printer and ask me to turn it back on for you, despite weather or not you have anything to print. When it’s time to lock the door, you get really angry, take 10 minutes to pack up your stuff, then ask me how to get to the 24 Hour Lab on campus. When I tell you that you have to arrive at the building before 10 PM – which is why I make the announcement 30 Minutes before – you get even more angry, and ask to speak to my boss.

I’m sorry, but if you keep this behavior up, I might have to call in a favor from some friends of mine from the Little Italy Student Group on campus. Because you, you’re an asshole.