Derek M Johnson Live!

On a very special episode of What's This Called?, tune in on December 6th at 12 Noon sharp to hear none other than Derek M Johnson, live on KPSU!

What's so special about this particular broadcast? Well, first, I'll be guest-hosting, filling in while Ricardo Wang is out of town on business. So, not only do you get to hear an awesome set by the man who backed Unwound on their Leaves Turn Inside You album, but you also get to hear me bring it all together for an hour, on KPSU.

It should be a lot of fun, and I'll post most info her when I know it. But I've seen this guy play a few times now, and if you like spacey, trippy cello music with lots of effects pedals and a super-cool host helping you freak out on a Saturday Morning, then tune your radio to KPSU on Saturday, from Noon - 1 PM on December 6th. I promise not to dissapoint.

Anti-Apathy w/ Tea For Julie

As a favor to my friends at KPSU, I ran live sound today for Rachelle's show, Anti-Apathy. On tap: Tea For Julie, a local indie-pop band performing in a two-piece incarnation for the first time ever. Rachelle had them on for a half-hour set of live tunes, followed by a casual interview full of questions all around the table. Aside from my signature mix, you won't hear me directly; occasionally you'll hear me hooting and clapping, and making loud comments and laughing.

You can download the show here for the next several weeks. (It was originally broadcast today from 6-7 PM.)

Apparently, my recent guest spot on What's This Called? has more or less opened the floodgates, so watch this spot for information about future radio appearances. I can promise that there will be at least one more engineering gig, and at least two guest spots as I cover for out of town DJs.

Requests? Drop me an e-mail...

Ironical

The other day I noticed this sticker at the bus stop near my house, and I got really excited. First off, it's a sentiment I can get behind 100%; as The Learn-ed Council Of Wise Men once said, "Bad music is a stain upon our culture that must be identified and treated as soon as possible, before it has a chance to turn into Creed, or worse." Second, since this was promoting a website, I was kinda excited by the idea of a guy who had a blog dedicated to, what I assumed, would be good music. My Socratic logic being, if you're against bad, you must be for good. Right?

Needless to say, I was very disappointed to see that this was not the case. Do not be deceived! While this is an ideological move that most music fans can support, it fails to deliver an acceptable alternative! You will not find good music here, and those who try are bound to be as disappointed as I was. I have suffered for you my friends; do not make the same mistake I did.

Change Comes From Within... Wine Jugs.

In 1995 I found a gallon wine jug that wasn't being used anymore, mostly because my friends and I had drained it. I cleaned it, peeled the labels off, and immediately began putting my change in it.

I was inspired to do so by a variety of people. My roommate, The Ramen City Kid, had a penny jar, and around this time my friend Justin was able to afford a trip to Europe funded by tips he'd saved in a jar. It seemed like the thing to do, and there was something very Country Mouse about saving money this way.

My problem, of course, was that I was almost always broke when I started this habit. For many years, the jar remained fairly empty. At the end of the month I would desperately need to buy food, so I'd spill the contents of the jar on my bed, pick out the silver, and survive for another few days. I would have idle fantasies that, someday, the jar would actually be full. What I would do with it when it was full, I couldn't say. But it would be a glorious day, indeed.

Flash-forward to three years ago. Suddenly, I noticed that I hadn't had to dig into the jar in quite some time. Not only was the level of coinage going up, but I was adding to it almost every day, and never needed to dip in anymore. Soon, the jar became almost too heavy to lift with one hand. I tried to forget that it was even money, and when I did think of it in those terms, I tried to pretend it was all pennies. For some reason, it didn't seem as valuable that way. In the back of my mind, it was my other other savings. For what, though, I wasn't sure.

Until I checked the balance of my account last week, and noticed that the economic crisis was finally hitting me, too. Normally this only happens at the end of the month, and I can sit a few days out of my usual routine and stick closer to the homestead. But this time, there just was no denying it. For the first time in years, I had to dip into the jar.

At first I was embarrassed. I had, finally, almost filled the jar, and was also concerned about having to carry large bags of coins with me to do my shopping. To my benefit, there is actually quite a bit in the jar now; I've been living off of it for the last week +, and the picture above was taken this morning. To my further surprise, everywhere I've gone has been really excited to see me pay in coins. "Oh, we need quarters! Thank you!" The fact that I'm still wearing residual pieces of my hobo costume from Halloween seems to add to the effect; hey, that jacket it warm!

As soon as I pull out the bag of coins, I get a huge laugh, and the same exchange takes place.

"Ha ha. You too, huh?"

"Yep."

It's amazing how many discounts you can get when everyone is in the same boat.

Winter Fashion

I'm trying a new look for ye ol' blog this winter, and I wanted to get your input. I have to confess: my love of design and the visual pleasures in the world have, unfortunately, failed to instill in me some sort of intuitive understanding of how to achieve similar effects. I have a real blindspot when it comes to how you construct something in a visually interesting way; I just knows it when I sees it.

Anyway, comments and suggestions of the design of this here textual oddity would be most appreciated. If any of you happen to be considerate web designers who might be interested in doing a little outside work, let's barter. It's the spirit of the times, my friends!

If anyone wanted to tackle a new design for the logo, I would be so kind as to reward you with some as-yet-disclosed prize, which will probably turn out to be something from the treasure trove of records that I have squirlled away in my basement. Can you say Grand Funk Railroad, Live?

Naked Trees Point To The North Star

It occurred to me that I haven't plugged the new publication since I switched to this new-fangled Inter-Web 2.0 Blog, so I thought it might be a good time to recommend that you place your X-Mas A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Inc. orders early for...

Naked Trees Point To The North Star
by Austin Rich

(collected fiction, available in paper or electronic format $6.00 includes shipping)

Read what other readers are writing about this book! (Very meta!)

"It was really good! I'm not much of a literary critic, all I know is I enjoyed reading the stories a lot."

- Karly Rich, paid family member. (I swear, the check's in the mail!)

"I liked it! A title is a very important component. No phrase was left unspun, and a great job of writing the 'fairer sex.' To Be Concerned is Good is my favorite; I thought the boss' typo-laden letters were hilarious."

- Lans Nelson, local female & paid staff member.

"It was a weird reading experience; there's such an odd mix of humor and despair, intelligence and bafflement, acceptance and frustration, kindness and desperation. Very hard to characterize!"

- Heidi Stauber, Austin's High School English Teacher, who has received no financial compensation for this statement... yet.

Do You Mind?

There are recurring people in our lives that we have to deal with. Not specific people, but rather, people prototypes that embody a group or type that, in turn, seem to repeat over and over again, but are in fact merely a string of different people, all with the same basic “issues” that the rest of us have to deal with.

Here are a few examples of the kind of people that I regularly have to deal with at the computer lab:

1.) White Persons w/ Dread Locks. Every white person sporting dread locks seems to be a dick, to one degree or another. Let’s look at the facts: you are an upper-middle class person with the time and resources to dread your painfully white hair. You continue to expect things from me that I can’t give you. (Like, a computer in front of the 20 people who are all waiting for a computer.) When I don’t come through for you, you bitch me out and ask to speak to my boss. Either that, or you clip lighter pieces to the end of your dreads, then whirl them around at shows, nailing me in the face over and over again. When I tell you to stop, because you’re hitting me in the face, you flip me off and continue. I’m sorry, you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

2.) Gay Man w/ Two Chihuahuas. Yes. Two. Every time you come into my Lab you are demanding & rude. When you don’t get to use your favorite computer, you get mad at me (despite the fact that the computers with scanners are reserved for people scanning things, and you never scan anything). Then you let your dogs run around, yipping loudly and pulling cords out from their sockets. When I tell you to leave, because you are disrupting the lab by loudly talking to your friend about going out the other day, you tell me I’m closed-minded and insensitive. I’m sorry, but you are no longer welcome in my Computer Lab.

3.) People Who Cannot Read. Frankly, I’m just prejudiced. Sorry.

4.) People Checking Their MySpace / Facebook Accounts in a Computer Lab. Guh? So, you’re a fan of social networking sites. You like to update your page constantly, but never do your homework in the lab. Why don’t you do this at home, with a cup of coffee & some comfortable clothes? When a huge line of people is impatiently waiting to use a computer to do their homework, you shuffle in your seat and open up a few more tabs for Flickr & Netflix. When I ask you to leave, since you’re not doing homework and there are others that need the computer, you get angry and ask to speak to my boss. I’m sorry, but you too are no longer welcome in my computer lab.

5.) Loud Guy. Wait... Loud Guy? What are you doing in my Computer Lab? This isn't even the same blog post anymore! Get out of here!

6.) The Large, Obnoxious, Smelly & Noisy Woman Who Comes Into My Lab Every Night and Refuses to Leave On Time. When I give the Half-Hour-Until-10-PM Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to relocate to the 24 Hour Lab on campus, you snort and ignore me. When I give the 15 Minute Countdown Announcement, and ask if you need to use the printer anymore, you snort and ignore me. After I turn off the printer and give the 5 Minute Countdown Announcement, you get angry that I turned off the Printer and ask me to turn it back on for you, despite weather or not you have anything to print. When it’s time to lock the door, you get really angry, take 10 minutes to pack up your stuff, then ask me how to get to the 24 Hour Lab on campus. When I tell you that you have to arrive at the building before 10 PM – which is why I make the announcement 30 Minutes before – you get even more angry, and ask to speak to my boss.

I’m sorry, but if you keep this behavior up, I might have to call in a favor from some friends of mine from the Little Italy Student Group on campus. Because you, you’re an asshole.

Podcast Recommendations, Anyone?

I consume a lot of podcasts during my twice-daily commutes, and after a while you run into a lot of the same old, same old.

Any recommendations? Anyone? Anything? What do you listen to when you need a dose of radio?

a.k.a. Used Books & Records

In the late '80's and '90's my mom ran a bookstore / record store called a.k.a. Used Books & Records. She and her partner took care of every aspect of the store: they traveled all over the West Coast buying books, records, & comics, built home-made tables, shelves, and racks for the merchandise, and painted / made every sign they hung in the store. It was a huge undertaking; almost every waking hour involved something with "The Shop," and my first job was helping them out in the store. It was a formative experience; the three things I seem to value most in life are books, comics & records.

Eventually they went out of business. There was just too much work to do, not enough money coming in, and few places a pair of lesbian business owners could turn in the small, closed-minded town of Cottage Grove. Eventually they sold the business, except for the Records, which the new owner was not interested in. Ever since, my mom has had the back-stock from The Shop in storage.

Every so often she would kick down a few Records here or there, and then we eventually fell into a regular routine: she would deliver to me a box of Records that she didn't want, and I would keep anything I was interested in and dispose of the rest for her. It was a fair deal, as I got free records for a little amount of work, and she was rid of a box that was cluttering up her house.

Yesterday I got the most recent delivery when my sister and brother were passing through town. These boxes of records are always very well picked over by the time I get them. Occasionally you'll find a gem here and there, but on the whole, you are better off selecting for reasons other than the music contained within. I now have the complete Moody Blues collection; aside from looking at the album covers, however, they remain unplayed.

Here are a few selections that came in yesterday's shipment:

Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House. I collect Halloween Records and music, but so does everyone else that has any good taste. Thus, there are certain ones that I've been looking for, but have never managed to get. My roommate laughed at me when I found this one, because I actually gasped audibly and quickly began pouring over the liner notes. This record is the Soundtrack to The Haunted House in Disneyland, and is one of the earliest Halloween "Scary Sounds" Records around. Side A is a series of scary stories, while Side B is a collection of scary noises and sounds (Screams, Animals Howling, Doors Creaking, etc.) I can't wait to put this next to Sounds To Make You Shiver and A Night In A Haunted House.

Robert Gordon w/ Link Wray - Fresh Fish Special. Robert Gordon was the primary mover and shaker behind Tuff Darts, a little-known band in the NY punk scene. Robert went solo and started playing with Link Wray (yes, THE Link Wray), and recorded a few albums of covers with Wray as the primary guitar player. Gordon led the East Coast rockabilly revival in the late '70's, but without any original tunes on this album, nor the promise of the full power of Link Wray coming to the forefront, this can't possibly be as good as, say, actually listening to a real Link Wray album instead. Why my mom had this or knew about it is still beyond me. (My guess: this album is most notable for Gordon & Wray doing a cover of the Springsteen hit, "Fire." )

Emerson Lake & Palmer - Love Beach. As allmusic.com is quick to point out, this is ELP's "contractual obligation" record with Atlantic, and thus, is all you need to know about this album. I would contend that you should also know that all three of these men have their shirts unbuttoned to some degree, are all wearing gold chains, and have hairy chests. I would also assert that you should know that Side B consists of one, 20-Minute long suite that is broken up into four parts, and was also released in 1978. Aside from that, I don't think I ever need to know anything else about this album, or even listen to it, for that matter. It's the little pleasures in life...

Al Hirt - Music To Watch Girls By. Al "He's The King" Hirt released this "Dynagroove Recording" in 1967, and was (apparently) available in both Mono & Stereo. The back of the album shows Al playing trumpet, next to his name inside of a crown logo, above the phrase, "Al Hirt - A man for all girl watchers."

Which is funny, because I have always been looking for the perfect man to compliment my girl watching activities, and now it turns out that he recorded a soundtrack for me to do this by, too. Will wonders never cease?

Guh?

Is this for real?

http://www.batterblaster.com/

I mean, it's a joke. Right? Organic Aerosol Pancakes? From a spray can?

The Truth About De-Evolution, indeed...

(Thanks to, or terrified horror to, Colin for forwarding this.)

How's It Named? Links

For those of you who missed yesterday's episode of What's This Called?, fear not! The power of the Inter-Web enables you to retrieve a recording of this broadcast at your leisure, and thus listen to it with the .mp3 playing device of your choice. Observe the links below:

Archive Link: Nov 8th, 2008 Broadcast from noon - 1 PM. (Note: we went over by a few minutes, and so our last voice over may be recorded in the following hour, archived here.)

Playlist: Includes links and information about all the songs we played.

In preparation for the show, Ricardo created this really cool photo remix (featured right). This was included in all the promotion he did for this episode, and you can find more information about this photo (and viewer comments) here. If I were you, I'd check out the rest of his photos, too. Very, very cool.

Lastly: on April 14th of 2007, Ricardo hosted the group Mortal Engines on What's This Called?, and as I was working at KPSU at the time, I got tapped to run live sound. Well, little did I know that three of these recordings would wind up on one of their albums: Sugar Skull, which was just released a few months ago. It was really cool to get credited again for some live sound work I've done, and the album is well worth checking out.

Hopefully there won't be nearly as much of a gap between this and the next radio appearance I make. This was just too much fun to put off this long again.

How's It Named?

For those of you who were keen on listening to the various incarnations of my radio shows, now is your chance to hear me on the air again this Saturday, November 8th: KPSU's very own Ricardo Wang, host of What's This Called?, invited me co-host his show, something we've been trying to arrange, "All Summer Long." (A song you will never hear on his show.)

For those of you who have not been obsessively podcasting his show for the last few years, Ricardo has been in radio since 1985, with a focus on Experimental Music that covers a wide range of styles and sounds. When I first met Ricardo, he did a guest spot on my show almost four years ago. Why it took us this long to team up again is anyone's guess.

You can listen to the show in a variety of ways: in the Portland Metro area, tune in at 1450 AM. For those on the PSU campus, tune in at 98.1 FM. And for those with access to the Inter-Web, point your browser at to kpsu.org to stream the show live.

While I'm not entirely sure what you can expect in terms of specific music, I know that I will be bringing my Interurban Memories LP - a collection of recordings of public transit systems from the 50's and 60's - to use during voice overs. The rest, my friends, I will leave up to the fates.

Until then: enjoy!

Wow.

That was fast.

I was really expecting it to take much longer.

It occurs to me that I haven't voted for a winner in a presidential election since the first time I voted, in 1996. Wow.

I'm still sort of shocked.

Social Interaction Observation

In no particular order:

1.) If you happen to believe something (let's say, x), and there is a name for x (let's say, y), why would you deny that x = y, even though you support both?

2.) Is it better to let people deduce your opinion based on behavior and action (which can be, under observation, misleading), or directly tell them what you think, risking their misunderstanding your definition of terms?

3.) Which is more painful: being asked to rehash skills you may already have in the hope of strengthening them (at the risk of boring the practitioner), or assuming the practitioner already has the skills you are judging them on, and penalizing them for each time they practice the skill incorrectly?

4.) Pet Sounds or Sergeant Pepers? (Exile On Main or Who's Next? The Stooges or The Ramones?)

5.) Is it better to let the loud annoying guy disrupt class, ruining things for everyone, or single him out for his disruption, now dividing the classroom ire amongst the two of you? (Ancillary question: whom do you sympathize with when this happens?)

6.) Socrates was an annoying, pretentious asshole who finally pissed too many people off, and had to face public ridicule and death. Your boyfriend is heading down the same road. Discuss.

7.) Yo, Loud Annoying Guy! How many times do I have to tell you?

8.) At what point do you admit defeat and actually read every article, do every assignment, engage in every discussion, do two hours of studying for every hour of class, and give up all hope of pursuing your hopes, dreams, goals, and social life? Three years?

9.) What is the likelihood that you will ever get a job relating to your minor? What are the odds anyone will ever even ask you about your minor? How many future dates will depend on it? Will your children show interest in it?

10.) The horrible truth we all don't want to admit: C's Get Degrees, you will still wind up in a cubicle sooner or later, and the ideals you hold strongly now will quickly be tossed in the trash if we can just get a decent, regular paycheck. Discuss the pros in cons in an 8 to 10 page page, noting that you'll need to cite at least two outside sources, relate it to one of the primary texts and stated classroom goals, and turn your assignment in on time, in perfect grammatical English. Minus one letter grade for each red mark on the page. MLA Format preferred.

Life Really Does Imitate Art... In Comics

As a person dependent on bus transportation, you quickly tire of many of the usual ways to pass the time when being ferried back and forth. To shake things up, I've been listening to NPR on my iPod, since it's not only a surefire way to show my instant alignment with the political Left, but it also sends a clear signal to the masturbating homeless man sitting next to me that it's not okay to engage me in conversation. (Might I add: mission accomplished.)

Recently I listened to this Radiolab episode, in which Robert Krulwich and Brian Greene get down to brass tacks about the nature of the universe. It's pretty compelling stuff, and Robert's incredulous questioning not only acts as a proxy for the usual kind of scepticism new ideas like this tend to become associated with, but Brian's cool demeanor in what must be a pretty uncomfortable position creates a perfect science narrative for us to take home: even in the face of absolute hostility from skeptics, the bigger truths that science is uncovering are, without a doubt, compelling and fascinating, even for Christians.

Even more interesting than the encoded religious discourse is the fact that, according to Brian's understanding of the universe, Comic Books had it right all along: we live in a universe where every imaginable variant universe - and, in fact, exact, to-the-molecule duplicates - exists somewhere, "out there." Not only that, but there are exact duplicates of me in other duplicate universes posting this exact same blog entry... along with all the other versions of me that are posting entirely other things (or, similar things worded differently). I'm sure the duplicates of you, reading this, are having the same reactions to reading this sentence as you are, too.

Metatextual jokes aside, the hilarious part to me, listening to this, was how easily I believed Brian's "crazy" ideas. The whole time I was thinking, "this is like the multiverse concept in DC Comics... a concept propagated by every other version of DC Comics in all the other universes, too." It led to some pretty funny moments throughout the podcast, which I'm sure was amusing to the other people riding the bus, as they inched further away from the giggling kid with the iPod at 8:30 in the morning.

Shave And The World Shaves With You...

Some questions with regards to shaving:

1.) Does anyone actually enjoy shaving? (Outside of fetishes & 19th Century barbers?)

2.) Is there any way to know if people of the opposite sex like / don’t like facial hair until it’s too late? And if so, how come no one has marketed a device that can answer this question for us early in the dating process? Do we really need that many ring-tones, when we really just want to know if they'll go out with us?

3.) Do any of those bearded indie rockers realize how lame they actually look? I mean, really? Does the beard make their music bad, or does the bad music stimulate beard growth? Do I really want to know the answer to that question?

4.) How much longer can us clean-shaven weirdos hold out for a date without an indie-rock beard? Five years? ...Six?

5.) Will someone ever develop facial hair that doesn’t appear inherently gay? If so, what would we call it?