There was something seriously different about this year at school than there has been in the past. I don't remember feeling so relieved that classes were over (once summer rolled around). Maybe "relieved" isn't the right. Happy to have a break? It's hard to describe, really. This term really got to me, for a number of unrelated reasons, and if you'd asked me last week, I would have told you I was gonna drop out, move to a cabin in the woods, and spend the rest of my days growing a beard and practicing my hambone skills.
Part of it was that there was so much riding on this term (namely, a job). Part of it had to do with a million other things that all went down more or less in the same month, too, but it's easier to blame money and jobs because everyone else is doing it do. I'm just modeling my behavior on theirs, right? Right.
There's still one more thing, looming in my future: Tuesday (it's always a Tuesday, isn't it?), where the fruits of my labors all blossom, and as it has been foretold, I will receive the make-or-break e-mail that will decide my future, forever. But for some reason, it doesn't seem as horrible, because it's out of my hands. Everything is done. All I can do is wait. Fortunately, that seems I've gotten pretty adept at, so I don't mind. So much. (Gimme a cigarette, goddammit!)
Still, I feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest, ready to squeeze the life out of me, and at the last possible moment, got up, as if he wasn't really aware that I was there, or what he was doing to me, and has wandered off to look for something to eat. I feel relieved, somewhat excited, no longer stressed, and curious about what the future holds.
But first I'm going to sleep for seven days and nights. Shut the door as you leave, please?
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